We all find ourselves faced with conflict at one time or another. These suggestions may help you bring power and resolution to an upset. Usually when we are confronted with a conflict our emotional responses are quickly triggered.
Find power and choice by employing these guidelines:
1. Timing is critical – it is unwise to attempt to solve conflict when emotions are running very high. When you find yourself involved in an “emotionally-charged” confrontation or conflict with another, suggest that you schedule a time to discuss and resolve the conflict.
2. Be Open and Honest – remember the reason you are having a conflict is because you both had a different idea or opinion about something. When you attempt to resolve the conflict its helps if you are willing to listen carefully and hear the other person’s point of view. When you are not concerned with being “right” or “winning” you are empowered and open to other possibilities. Being open and honest allows for compromise and resolution.
3. Share Common Goals – find the common ground. Remember you are both seeking the same goal — a relationship win. This is not a power struggle.
4. Use Active Listening Skills – using active listening and allowing the other to speak freely without interruption sets a good basis for a win-win situation. Acknowledge what the other person has said and indicate that you heard and understood them.
5. Avoid YOU Statements – Using you statements is inflammatory and suggests you are blaming the other person. Using “I” statements sets an safe tone and allows the other to know how you feel when you speak in the first person, e.g., “I feel sad when we disagree”. “You” statements will get you nowhere fast and may escalate the situation.
6. Speak and behave in a calm manner – in combination with the other suggestions above, this helps move the discussion forward to resolution. Seek a win-win outcome.
7. Allow for Breaks or Time-outs – when emotions become too strong, either person can request a “time-out.” A time-out is a better choice than allowing the conflict to escalate and become unmanageable.
8. Brainstorm Solutions – there is generally more than one way to accomplish something. Together you can collaborate about possible solutions to the conflict. Do not discard ideas as stupid, but rather employ typical brain storming strategy in which all solutions are noted, and let the good ones rise to the top through discussion.
9. Leave the Past in the Past – anything that is not connected with the current conflict should not be discussed. Stay in the present moment with the current topic. Bringing up the past does not help you when attempting resolving conflicts. Instead bringing up the past just gives you more than one topic or problem to try to resolve. Stay focused and stay in the present.
lO. Be Willing to Consider Compromise – Be willing to meet in the middle and to find comfortable, acceptable common ground. It is rare that conflicts end up on one side or the other.
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Rhonda Robbins, speaker, teacher, certified life coach and NLP practitioner has been providing transformational life changing services and personality training to hundreds of individuals, businesses and groups for over ten years. Rhonda owns and operates, Embrace Your Brilliance, and is available for one-on-one coaching sessions in person, on the phone, via Skype, Google Talk, Google+ Hangout or Yahoo Video Call. You can call me directly at 480-343-8700 or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up a time for a session, or to ask a question.
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